This is familiar. The same blank screen and the same keyboard.
I’ve had so many thoughts in my head but somehow they just want to stay there. They’re a messy bunch. Intermingled, just like the earphone cable. Maybe they are procrastinating, maybe they’re not. Maybelline (thanks 9gag for this joke which I use almost every day!)
Remember Ghanshyam? Yeah, the same old teenage detective who loved his Bournvita shaken and not stirred and hated his little sister. The one whose friend – another teenager, had all the worldly wisdom. He loved solving cases which were insignificant, yet he did that. Yes, that one. I don’t think he is coming back.
And can you recall that there was a comic about a dead skeleton who at least had a second inning in the digital world? Yep, he ain’t coming back as well.
No, it is neither my job nor the soul crushing responsibilities and definitely it is not adulting either that killed the writing spree. Stop blaming everything on adulting please. And it is not that I don’t want to write more about them. I’m just tired.
Tired of not being able to write more about them. I’ve plenty of time. I am in a good job which luckily gives me a decent work life balance (Sorry Mr. Murthy).
I’m just tired.
I cannot emphasise enough on the fact that I’ve sat down so many times to write about those characters, those stories and maybe something new. But, I just fail every time.
It is a cycle. A bad one. Unlike the water cycle we studied in class 5, which had a beautiful summary and a decent cause. Oh, this cycle reminds me that I’ve not ridden my bicycle in the last six months, so yeah, this cycle also ain’t cycling (see the pun?)
But this I feel is linked to the void. That shit is still very much present. And it has only grown in size. Like my waist.
I was thinking the other day, why does that void only increase. I mean, what in the shiggity shaggity world does it want? I am not even feeding anything to it. Last I checked, Zomato Gold and Swiggy Lite fill the void in the stomach, not in the mind.
Oh wait. I think I figured it out? This is because of too much sensory input. I consume so much information day in day out that my brain is working the same way as the PCs do when you run a graphic heavy game on them. Recall the fan running at full capacity when the game loaded?
Maybe this is why I am stuck in a loop. Think about doing something, then try to do it. Get super excited. Involve every cell in your body to do that interesting thing and then get bored. Then move on to the next one. If consistency is the key then I am the lock with a number code.
Once I’ve done a bunch of things, I then contemplate why I am not that excited anymore. Then I label the lack of enthusiasm or creativity on the famous – writer’s block. This is indeed convenient. I like convenience.
That reminds me. And I forgot now. There are indeed drawbacks of turning 30! (Remind me to write something about it. Deal?)
Even the piece you’ve been reading up till now, took me a month to write. Roughly. And you can very well see how random this is. It’s like I lost my mojo like Austin Powers.
This feeling is like spending hours deciding what to eat and when you order something, you feel like eating something else. All you end up doing is wasting money, time and spoiling the taste of the amazing dish you ordered.
I have tried a lot of things to mend this patchy course but can a band-aid repair a deep enough cut? At this point, I don’t know.
I’ve tried journaling my high and lows and even the base lines. Have tried to log the routine and have also forced myself to write or do an activity that I like. Have also spoken about this to my friends and they’ve lent me their ears, time and energy as a good friend would do, but there is still something missing. Similar to when Maa used to get me to taste the dal and ask for what’s missing and I would reply, ‘ I don’t know.’ Even though I could taste that something’s missing.
Maybe I’m in the middle of the path to figure it out, maybe not, Maybelline. (sorry, force of habit. Can’t help it now. Save me please? Or better. Send me an even more catchy joke / punchline)
And in the midst of sharing all this, I totally forgot. How is your failed diet chart and exercise routine going?
Abhishek Singh 
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