He came into politics when we were in dire need of a change not less than a revolution. We needed someone who could give us change, a messiah, a savior, someone who could instill confidence in us. And when he came, we laughed with such vigor, that India featured in the list of the top 10 happy countries for the first time in history.

We have a big problem amongst us. We jump to conclusions faster than Mr. Modi visits foreign countries. We saw a cute guy with dimples in politics and we concluded that he is incompetent, just like that! Do you even realize that if he were chosen to be our Prime Minister, how happy the female politicians and bureaucrats would have been? Girls love guys with dimples. Imagine when Mrs. Obama would have visited us, she would have greeted him like,” OMG Raghul, you’re so cute. Look we got you 10 F-16 raptors. Have fun cutie!” Not just that, he would have been ideal in numerous other situations.

Look at those dimples. Obviously Mrs.Obama didn’t have any choice. Duh!

In any of the meetings with ministers of other countries, the chances of procuring a deal in our favor would have increased by approximately 150% if at least one of the foreign dignitaries were female. No woman can resist the dimple imbibed smile of a guy.

I don’t know if Pt. Jawahar Lal Nehru loved kids or not, since I was not there to witness it. But, I can assure you that RaGa loves kids a lot. Since, he himself watches POGO religiously.

He’s a living legend who proves that you can make it big even at the age of 45 by just watching POGO and worshipping your mother. Only Rosesh (Sarabhai vs Sarabhai fame) and RaGa himself can pull off the ‘mama’s boy’ in such a suave manner.

Just see his dedication. Unparallel!

He’s one true fan of Indian cuisine. Anyone can boast of a love for Indian cuisine, but only a few can cross all limits to experience the real food that resides in the houses of tribal people. Raw food, real taste, indigenous flavor, no artificial packaging, and branding – that’s how real foodies have food! He has been to almost every Indian tribe. Only Mr. Vinod Dua can beat him in this area, such is his passion for Indian food.

His alleged girlfriend was Columbian. This shows his decisions are perfect. Boggled? A leader should be able to decide between good and bad effortlessly. He could have fallen in love with a girl of any country, but he chose a Columbian girl. Still confused how this made him a good leader? Ah! Name the most famous Columbian personality. Shakira, right? In her own words, she confessed that even her hips don’t lie. RaGa chose such a truthful and righteous partner and you guys still suspect him of his decision-making skills. If he can chose his life partner that good, imagine how his decisions would have changed the face of India.

Not many people know about this but back when RaGa was a member of F.O.S.L.A., he confessed that he had an offer letter to Ra’s al Ghul Academy of Martial Arts for parent deprived billionaire kids. Call him names, but it takes immense willpower to say no to an academy which has Batman as its alumni. He has always opposed violence. For the same reason he never watches violent movies, instead promotes cartoons, especially the POGO ones.

Who are you to point a finger at him? You know how hard it is to prove your worth when your whole life you’ve been overshadowed by your elder sister?  Do you realize how hard is it to stand against a guy, who is so devoted to serving the nation that he called off his marriage? Do you know how it feels when your team comprises of a woman with worse Hindi speaking skills than that of Katrina Kaif, a guy with pattern baldness who gets high upon breathing normal air, a guy who took the party’s motto “Kattar soch nahi yuwa josh” (Rough translation: No hard feelings, just youth force) so seriously that he married a woman half his age and the multitalented sensible guy who transformed into a cyborg on silent mode? Do you? No! You don’t. You can only make fun of people, nothing else.

You all must have watched Arban Sogwami’s interview with RaGa. It went viral on the internet and some people associate RaGa’s steep downfall with it. If you agree with this, it only proves how narrow-minded you people are. No one took pains to unfold the other side of the story. Not a single one. It was after this incident that TVF made a whole new series titled – Barely speaking with Arnub, which has more than 10.4 million views till date. The revenue of standup comedians went up by 46.9%. Many new comedians emerged, the success rate of these being close to 37%. A record 6969 number of jokes were made on RaGa, a new world record, held earlier by Dr. Mansohan Singh. A whopping 116.9% increase was seen in the number of enrollments in personality development institutes since no one wanted their kid to be like RaGa anymore. Google confirmed that the word ‘feminism’ was the most searched word for that week. It surely did increase the penetration of the beautiful concept of feminism in the world.

Who else can say these words with such confidence?

I can’t seem to understand why it was labeled a failure? All the stats are on RaGa’s side. The guy is one of the biggest humanitarians the world has ever seen. He is the sole reason for the boom of standup industry in India. If you were to show him these stats he’ll never ever believe you. That’s how grounded he is.

I might have sounded like an idiot, but I’m pretty sure that I’ve been successful in decoding the raags of Raga, and trust me all of it is legit since I’ve not slept in the last 24 hours, moreover its 2:35 am by the clock and zucchini’s nutrients are flowing with full vigor in my blood. So by the power vested in me by the Lord Zucchini of Vegetable district I declare all the statements made by me in this article legit!

P.S. Some people call him Pappu. Pappu is not an insult that’s a compliment wrapped in tetra layer of defamation. P.A.P.P.U is the acronym for Polite and Persuasive Prodigal Urbanite.

P.P.S. I’m terrible in poetry. Spare me on that.