If you are thinking this is one of the essays which we wrote in fourth or fifth standard, you are wrong. This is not something which you can find in any text book or anywhere on the internet. This article is about what it is like to commute in an integral part of world’s largest railway system – The EMU or popularly known as the local train.
When you hear the word local train, your mind thinks of a mode of transport where the only visible part of it is its roof because everywhere else there are people and on windows,milk containers. This is not completely true. This does happen but not always. I’ll be describing what a local train is all about.
Now to get on the train and to reach your destination you have to complete two very important tasks – wait for the train and then struggle to get on the train. The former one is quite easy given you don’t lose your patience very quickly. The main problem is with the second one. To accomplish the latter and to secure a seat you need to keep in mind a few points:
• Never underestimate anyone and by anyone I mean ANYONE! From a 5 year old child to an 80 year old woman, no one is sober when it comes to getting on a train and securing a seat. Every child present there has grown up hearing stories of his father who rebelliously got himself seated, and for the old ladies/gents there is always there is truck load of experience.
• Always have a good estimate of where the nearest train door will be when it stops. If you face a window when the train stops, then there is no way you will get a seat.
• Never let any aunty stand in front of you. This may be against feminism but this is the truth. They are female counterparts of Luis Suarez. Trust me! Whenever you see any of those aunties, show them the way to ladies coach.
• Never ever stand in front of the door. You’ll be crushed, literally. As everyone who de-boards the train thinks he is Gerard Butler from 300 movie and they consider you as Persian messenger, so be cautious.
If you take care of these points you may (I said may, because in the end it depends on your luck) get a seat but none of us gets that lucky always. After boarding the train the real fun starts. With the passage of time you will notice the chaos inside the train starts reducing. But this doesn’t last long. Local train and chaos are analogous to each other. The atmosphere inside the train is so lively that you can never get bored. You just have to learn to start enjoying anything that comes in your way.
The co-passengers can be divided into the following categories based on their characteristics and behavior:
1) The Cold Blooded Passengers:
Age group: 30+ years.
Distinguishing Feature: Their hibernating time is equal to the time taken by train to reach their station. As soon as they grab a seat they doze off to sleep. They almost instantly fall asleep and then wake up.
2) The Honey Singh and Lady Gaga Hybrid:
Age Group: 10-23 years
Distinguishing Feature: They are the ones who sport abstract haircuts and when you see them you have a hard time explaining to yourselves how the hell they got that haircut! And for clothes they wear, tight fitting clothes in almost every color- from fluorescent green to brightest pink (so bright that it hurts your eyes) and needless to mention they listen to Honey Singh’s songs in loop.
3) The Pankaj Udaas:
Age Group: Normally 35+
Distinguishing Feature: Imagine a guy who had a healthy bowel movement way back in 1962 before Indo-China War, since then his body has been giving him false hopes. His face shows this pain and frustration. You instantly feel sorry for him but you really can’t help him.
4) The Never Satisfied One:
Age Group: Normally 40+
Distinguishing Feature: He never stops complaining. Whether the topic is weather, politics, sports, his wife, his children, corruption, his promotion, the train itself, electricity system of the train, every nut and bolt of the train, Indian food or any other, you name it and he has a bag full of complaints ready. He even praises in negation.
5) The Card Player:
Age Group: 25-80
Distinguishing Feature: They are always busy playing some card game and you have to try really hard to sit on the seat they have reserved for one of their players who will be boarding the train after 10 stations (See the Faithfulness).
These were the main types which you’ll find in any local. People use the local for one primary reason – it is cheap, really cheap. So if you are paying less you’ll get inferior quality ride. You’ll have to sit with 4 or even 5 people on seats meant for only 3 people. If you get seated don’t think you are lucky because during peak hours people are everywhere in the coach. People stand in the front, back, sideways of you in very awkward positions. For every place you see where you can place your toe and grab anything with your hand, you’ll find a human there. In the monsoon season this situation becomes the worst imaginable. If someone taller than you stands in front of you then there are 50% chances that you may become unconscious as his armpit is right in front of your face (controlling your breath helps a lot). Sometimes you have to stand in the same pose for more than 30 minutes. Sometimes people even stand in the area between seats and if you are seated and someone stands facing you, you can imagine which body part of his is right in front of you! – Code RED it is. (This never happened with me, stop imagining me here.) There are so many people around you that if you sing,” I can feel your heart beat…” (Enrique Iglesias’s song- Heartbeat) it makes perfect sense.
If you happen to travel in a train scheduled early morning you can see people along the tracks carrying water bottle with them and that is certainly not meant for drinking. In the balconies of houses lined along tracks you can see people scratching their bellies for no good reason, half naked children running here and there and if by chance your train happens to stop near any residential area you can stare at people doing awkward stuff. Like a man brushing and scratching his belly simultaneously and a person about to attend to nature’s call but since a hundred people are staring at him all he can do is control his urges and do the funny pressure dance.
Actually it is not always this much horrifying. There is a positive side to it too. Many great poets and writers have described true love and true companion in numerous ways. You can find true love in a local also.
“True love is when an elderly couple shares their Bidi together while bitching about some random guy’s wife.”
Apart from love, other emotions and values known to human can be seen, like:
“Care is when a girl reserves adjacent seat for her brother by placing her pair of slippers on the seat”
“Sharing is when a single newspaper is read by half of the coach in just 30 minutes or when a single Bidi is shared by 4-5 old people.”
Also there is coach reserved by Satsang Mandli(Group of people equipped with Dholak, mic and loudspeaker who praise the Lord by singing Bhajans-devotional songs). If you happen to sit in this coach you get to listen to bhajans, aartis and much more and the best part you get the Prasad in the end too.
Just like Delhi Metro, we have special coaches for women too. But here the definition of ladies coach is different. Here a reserved coach means both men and women can use this coach. (Equality Prevails)
After reading this much about local train you would be thinking that I am an idiot that I use this for commuting. Actually I am not. There is no other means of transport which can give so much entertainment for free. The events which happen here are very hard to explain rather ineffable. So much happens in that 45 minutes journey that when you de-board the train all you do is smile like a fool and expect that you will get more of it the next day.
Abhishek Singh 
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